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Commentary on personals ads posted on Craiglist.

NOM NOM ICE CREAM

http://seattle.craigslist.org/kit/w4m/2128781472.html
I’M EATING ICE CREAM RIGHT NOW – w4m – 25 (LAKEWOOD)

Hi, I am gaining weight as fast as I can! Why? So Who ever decides to date me wont be with me because of my good looks! Ya, I know, sounds self centered and egotistical..but what sucks is when you know “looks” is the most important thing to your date!

Riiight. I only know of one person who has ever done this for real, and she was a nut case. So either she really is nutty enough to get fat on purpose because it’s just oh so hard to find someone to be in a real relationship with when you’re attractive, or more likely she was always fat and just needs to find a guy with low standards.

I really don’t work hard at “dolling up” for a guy. I don’t need a perfect man and don’t want that kind of pressure. If you care about personality at all, if you could like me for who I am..then maybe I won’t have to work so hard at getting fat..

Oh I see, she never has worked hard to make herself look attractive, but she’s just so hot that she has to get fat on top of trying to look frumpy.

What women don’t understand is that the guy who will settle for your ugly ass because you’re “pretty on the inside” is just a guy with low standards who can’t get anyone better.

Oh ya, I have kids

How many? Obviously more than one, possibly a number too scary to mention just yet.

a job, a house, a car

Burger King, an apartment, and a ’98 Sentra.

..I don’t do drugs and never have been addicted to anything..I love my mom and really the only hang up I have is that I HATE TV!

That might change as she gets addicted to ice cream and realizes that sitting on the couch watching TV helps you get fatter quicker.

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

So much intelligence

http://seattle.craigslist.org/kit/w4m/2118424856.html
Are intelligent women intimidating to you? – 52 (Poulsbo)

If so, you better git along little dogie. If not, read on…

Ah yes, the woman who thinks men are intimidated by intelligence. It’s much easier to sleep at night thinking that than knowing that guys just think you’re a bitch.

(I really don’t think I am SO intelligent. It is other people who have said this to me. I mean, everyone is a treasure chest, if you just ask the right questions. And please don’t ask me to explain refrigeration to you. I know it has something to do with the condensing or expanding of gaseous molecules from a smaller to a larger space or something, but really it is just as efficacious to think of it as simply a miracle.)

In other words, don’t ask her to be intelligent about real stuff that matters. Her intelligence comes in her opinions, and if you disagree with her, well, obviously you’re intimidated by her.

However, that fact is that I like intelligent people. People who spell correctly (or at least make an effort!). People who put together complete sentences. People who fear no scrabble board, and who prefer ideas to TV. Is that so much to ask?? People who are better at math than I am (it doesn’t take much!) People who don’t fall for the spend-spend-buy-buy-wallow-in-excess mentality. People who’d rather do something than buy something.

I also like men who are in good shape. People are just too danged fat these days. If you don’t agree, then already we are not on the same wavelength. And if you have a furry chest, well, that is great, because I think this whole recent hairless fad has got to go — maybe it will fade with the chihuahua craze. Who wants a chihuahua for a lover?? Not I! (I’m a natural woman myself. If it’s a problem for you, please, try another ad.)

She’s got a huge hairy bush.

And last, but actually highest in priority: truthfulness. Not merely honest, but truthful.

And in the interests of being truthful: if pro sports or motorcycles or tearing up the wilderness with motorized toys is your passion, you can’t be my passion. Just won’t happen. Don’t take it personally. Or a smoker or a toker.

“Anything you can do I can do better. Unless it’s sports or operating machinery. I’m too intelligent for that.”

So please be intelligent. Please be sure enough in your own brains to not be intimidated by mine. Because I want to learn from you. I want to stand next to you and look out at the universe and have my perspective on the universe enhanced by being with you, and vice versa. I want to enhance your world. And we really need classical music for this scenario, don’t we?

“Don’t ever disagree with me, because if you did then obviously you’re not very intelligent.”

Oh, and yes, I like good, passionate, meaningful, fun sex. I knew I could fit that keyword in there somewhere…

“Oh yes, I will give you sex now and then to keep you interested until we get married then I’m getting my vagina surgically closed.”

I’ve found that the more somebody talks about their qualities the less they are true. For example, someone who is funny will make you laugh with their post. Someone who is not funny will say “I am a very funny person.” Someone who is intelligent will make it obvious by the way they write and what they write about. Someone who needs to sprinkle the word “intelligent” throughout their post? Meh.

In my experience the women who blab about their intelligence the most just have a huge chip on their shoulder and constantly feel the need to have a battle of the minds about every single topic that comes up during the day. And that comes across as bitchy. It’s like The Dude says, “No, you’re not wrong Walter, you’re just an asshole!!”

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

If only she did drugs

http://seattle.craigslist.org/sno/w4m/2118184039.html
looking for????????? – 38 (Sno county)

Looking for an attractive fun guy to occasionally hang out with. Prefer non smoker and absolutely no drugs.

She’s a little light on describing herself, and the photo could be hiding a large frame, but from what I can see I only have one word: Cute!

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

Hey buddy, check it out, a scammer

http://seattle.craigslist.org/skc/w4m/2117599212.html
Hey Buddy!….. – w4m – 23 (lake washington)

hey buddy i am 27 years old woman who is looking for someone to show me a great time Prove that you will show me you are the man you claim to be! as per usual your pic is mine

Based on the fact that the age in the title and the body don’t match, this is most likely a spammer. No pictures, no personal details, and “your pic is mine.” Yet hordes of guys will respond beating their chest ready to prove their manhood.

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

Prince Charming sure is in high demand

http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/w4m/2118040583.html
Prince charming is missing.. – w4m – 24 (Olympia/Tacoma)

Thanks for opening this ad..

I am single 24 female with red red hair and am a single mom to a 2 year old little girl. So you must love kids as my daughter is a huge part of my life. Please have your life some what in order, I am not looking for drama.

It’s funny how young, irresponsible women always want *you* to have your life in order. Now that kids are in the picture it’s time to stop getting plowed by the bad boys from the bar (you know, the guys without a good job who get you pregnant and then bail) and call for Prince Charming to come and save you. Because, she totally deserves it. Every guy who has his shit together is just waiting for a slut with kids to become available so he can save her and pay her bills.

Now that all the other guys are done banging her, you two can settle down and have a nice life where you work and she spends your money. Incidentally, you’ll have to deal with the ex too.

I am working and going to school and currently living with some family to help me out until I finish school. I have a big heart and a lot to offer. If you send a pic then I will send one back in return. I am outgoing, enjoy being on the go, and plenty of other activities. I also enjoy seeing a good movie and enjoy listening music while on the go. I currently live in Olympia but please don’t let that scary you as I works in Tacoma and am willing to meet half way if you are =)

Please don’t reply if your looking for a tiny girl as I am a little over average size and working on it ..

What is “a little over average size”? In CL speak, probably 80 lbs over. Which explains why there is no picture. It’s funny how standard the “Don’t reply if your (sic) looking for a tiny girl/barbie/skinny minny/toothpick” phrase is with fatties. So to sum up, she’s fat, with a kid, and has numerous interests like being on the go, and listening to music while on the go.

Go get her Mr. Charming!

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

Bremelo?

http://seattle.craigslist.org/kit/w4m/2115509894.html
BBW Bored & Lonely… – w4m – 24 (Bremerton, WA)

I’ve been bored lately here WA, Bremerton. I don’t really know what I am looking for here, so I don’t want to put any limits on it by describing something. For now, I just want to chat with someone intriguing. Things of interest to me: music, dancing, sining, hanging out with friends and family. If you think you might want to get to know me and that I might want to get to know you, email me and impress me with your literacy and intelligence 🙂

OK, yes she’s fat (aka BBW). And didn’t completely impress me with her literacy (did you mean “singing” or “sinning”? 🙂 ). But I will bet you money those lips suck cock like a champ. You can tell by the look in her eyes.

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

Finding a guy with low standards is easier than the gym

http://seattle.craigslist.org/skc/w4m/2115530416.html
a date for my birthday? – w4m – 23 (Aberdeen)

Im 5’2″
I am a BBW
I am a single mother

This “BBW” term is way overused. We all know what it means. You’re fat. So to sum up the post so far, “I’m short, fat, and have kids”.

I would like a man to come take me on a date for my birthday the 28th of december. I have never been taken out on a date with someone I could start dating. I have always been told i was cute and then decided to be together. I take them to the movies I take them to taco bell we walk around the mall. I would love to be taken out and get to know someone. I am looking for potential.

So the baseline is Taco Bell and a movie. Make it a matinée and you’re looking at a really cheap date!  If you’ve got the spare change you could upgrade to Taco del Mar. But don’t expect her to take you out, that gravy train is over thanks to all those other freeloaders.

I amalso looking for someone who doesn’t care about weight someone who will be glad to help me loose weight if i want to. i don’t get text messages but I do have a cell phone. also I would appreciate if you have a picture in your reply due to the fact I want real people to reply and also I like to know who im talking to

Why would a guy who doesn’t care about weight want to help you “loose” weight? And of course don’t forget the conditional “if I want to”. Here’s a news flash: If you’re not tremendously overweight, guys do take you out on dates. They even pay. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true.

Bwwwaaanomnomnomnom!!!! Need wider angle camera!

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

Calling all FBI agents, LOL

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/w4m/2115647385.html
Looking to get married – w4m – 22 (Bellevue)

I am looking for my dream guy. I dark haired, dark eyed, sweet, honest, gentle, patient man. Who is preferably an FBI agent. I am looking for a long term relationship that will lead to marriage, even marriage first LOL . I am a brunette with eyes that change with my mood. I am honest, sweet, caring, kind, a good cook, fairly neat, I love kids, and animals. I have a dog. I am a college student studying ultrasound technology. Any other questions for me just ask.

Yes, 22 year old FBI agents hang out on CL cruising for wives all the time. Well, she didn’t specify an age range so I guess 30 or 40 year old FBI agents are good to go as well.

So, here’s the thing ladies. After you’ve been in a relationship for a while and things are VERY serious, you can broach the topic of marriage. Too early and you freak the guy out. Mention it on the first date (or one of the first few) and you will send guys running. Mention it in your ad and you’ll guarantee you only get responses from guys who are amazingly desparate, but I’ll leave it up to you to figure out why.

“Even marriage first, LOL”.  And when we divorce I’ll only ask for half your paycheck and 401(k), LOL.  Guys, don’t answer ads like this!

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

Does it matter what she looks like if you’ll never see her?

http://seattle.craigslist.org/see/w4m/2115902244.html
kiss me thru the phone – w4m – 22 (eastside)

Im looking to get to know someone over the phone/texts. I want them to get to know me for me, not how I look. And no its not cause im ugly.

It’s because she’s ugly.

I’ve been hurt alot and im just not ready for a physical relationship. I have a busy life but not so busy that I don’t have time to get to know someone.

Get ready to deal with her issues and baggage over the phone after that kiss!

Text all day talk at night?

You will have no time during the day or night where she will not expect you to be available.

Im 22 5’5 brown hair blue eyes. I have pics but can’t upload them from my phone

Ugly people seem to have problems figuring out how to upload pictures.

It doesn’t much matter to me how you look just as long as you know your amazing cause I know I am 😉

The possibility that she’s very hot and wants to develop a relationship where you’re not blinded by her beauty is now gone. It’s OK if you’re ugly too, because she can’t be picky.

Hope to hear from you soon

But not “see” you!

Filed under: CL Women Seeking Men

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